Gone so Young (In loving memory of Grace “Ging” Sionil)

A concert without a crowd is boring. Music without a rhythm is dull. A guitar without strings is useless. And life without struggles is dead. There are things in this world that are not permanent and beget aftermaths – both positive and negative.

In a person’s life, dealing with different dilemmas is unavoidable. We all need lots of perseverance, sweat, working and acceptance because we live in a world where all we have to do is try, strive, suffer, get depressed and so on.

Within my 18 years of existence, I lost someone who is very close to my heart. I’ve been such a juvenile delinquent. I did seldom show her how really sweet I am. The love and care I have given her is just not enough to prove I’m sincere. I oftentimes got easily irritated at her. Even so, we did spend leisure time together yet it wasn’t that very special. But I can say that I am very happy with her even in a short span of life although it could have been longer.

Yes, the death of my mother is the moment I could never ever forget. I was already a high school graduating student that time when the tragedy happened. September 06, 2011, all of us went home happy after a very tiring day. I slept early given that I have no home works to do and I’ve been sleeping late at night for the past days. Since my mom was working at Commission on Election (COMELEC) in Manila, she oftentimes arrives late at home. Before I was about to sleep, I phoned her telling about another payments I have to pay in school for the next day. Honestly, our life then was not a bed of roses so she got irritated, scolded me a bit and ended the call. After that conversation, I already fell asleep but then became half awake when I heard Mama’s voice – the voice I’ll surely miss. I didn’t even bother going out of my room to kiss her downstairs because I was too lazy. And we all didn’t expect what happened next. She suddenly felt something bad on her head, something that would explode. Then I heard my eldest brother and my sister shouting and slapping her face. I immediately went down to check what’s going on. It took me a couple of minutes before I knew tears were already falling and uttered the same words – words I would never forget, “Ma! Ma! Gumising ka! Please Ma!” And the next thing I knew was that my sister ran very fast to call for a tricycle and my eldest brother carried my mother hurriedly.

It was just the beginning of enduring pains. Doctors and nurses didn’t allow us to confine Mama for we have to pay 35,000 PHP first. Imagine, where art thou will we be able to get that big amount of money at that late night? My mom is dying! Thankfully, they confined my mom after doing such transactions. But what hurts me the most is that there are a lot of apparatus attached to her yet she barely moves and she’s not awake.

I always cry at school. I asked my classmates and friends to pray for my mother. I even accepted singing for a Doxology believing that God would easily answer my prayer. I got less time for my studies, extracurricular activities and even time with my friends. All I was thinking was my mother. Days have passed and everything is still the same. When I visited her on her third week, I told her “Ma, please lumaban ka po. Marami pa kaming naghihintay sa’yo. Malapit na ko grumaduate ng high school Ma, sasamahan mo pa po ko maghanap ng school ko diba? Mama, mahal na mahal po kita. Sorry kung ang dami ko pong kasalanan sainyo. Ma, pero kung hindi mo na po kaya okay lang. Basta tandaan mo po na we all love you!” After that, I can’t believe what I saw! Her point finger moved and she cried! But unknowingly, it was already her sign saying that she was about to exit.

September 27, 2011, the most unforgettable date ever. The most heartbreaking scenario in my life. It was the day that a white blanket covered already her whole body. The day I had plenty of regrets – that I let my shyness and pride conquer me. I never gave myself a chance of revealing what my heart wants me to do. If only I could turn back time, I will express my true feelings and treasure every moments while we’re together because opportunities just knock at once.

In reality, we sometimes need to lose someone we truly love before we realize our mistakes. We will be filled of regrets and will be wishing for restoring everything back. Just like what they say, love sometimes can only be felt when it is gone, when it’s no longer yours. To end this, my most unforgettable moment can be related to Amber Pacific’s song - “I wasn't prepared for what's to come, a life made of memories gone so young and now I'm regretting all I've done but in your heart know that I'm with you all along.”